Like an inflatable love doll, one can project whatever fantasy one wishes upon Joe Biden. He’s a climate warrior! He’s pro-union! He’s a life-long crusader for abortion rights! He has a great civil rights record! If you believe hard enough, if you cultivate your delusions strongly enough, if you click your ruby slippers together and chant “there’s nobody like Joe” enough times, you can achieve some sort of climax. You might feel a little empty afterwards, though. Like that doll’s boobs, Biden’s principles are just vinyl-covered nothingness.
Like an inflatable love doll, Joe Biden doesn’t talk much. In the love doll’s case, it’s because they don’t have vocal chords. In Joe Biden’s case, it’s because his handlers don’t want to remind the voters how embarrassingly awful he is at speaking; they don’t want any more video of his rambling incoherent stories, his pathetic self-aggrandizing lies, his rude patronizing attitude towards voters, and his senile confusion. They mostly keep him locked up in some hotel room somewhere, and only blow him up and display him publicly when they absolutely have to.
Like an inflatable love doll, Joe Biden is hollow. He has no backbone, no functioning brain. He’s just a hollow shell with a strange little vibrating motor being manipulated by outside forces.
Like an inflatable love doll from a frat house, you really really don’t want to know the details about Joe Biden’s past. Don’t even think about the reasons all the billionaires and insurance companies and fossil fuel companies and private prison companies and military contractors and corporate media outlets are lining up to pour cash and propaganda into his orifices; keep your mind clear of all of the things he’s done to be such a desirable receptacle for the big, throbbing super PACs’ monetary spooge.
Like an inflatable love doll, the deflation of Biden is inevitable. Will he spring an unpatchable leak before the convention? Or will it happen between the convention and the General Erection?
Like an inflatable love doll, Joe Biden will never be President of the United States. Too many people recognize him as a hollow, spineless phony who is under the control of the organized forces of evil. If he succeeds in winning the Democratic nomination, Trump and his cult will rip Biden’s vinyl ass to shreds. Lacking a decent alternative, young people and infrequent voters will stay home by the millions. Millions more will leave the President race blank or cast protest votes for minor party candidates. Turnout will be dismal, and not only will Biden lose badly, his negative coattails will sink the campaigns of many down-ballot Democrats, as well.
The fact that the leadership of the Democratic Party and Democrat-leaning corporate media are working so hard to keep Biden inflated, upright, and viable despite his obvious shortcomings goes to prove a progressive claim that is often chided as paranoid and overly cynical: many party leaders and corporate media commentators would rather nominate Biden and lose than nominate Bernie and win.
If Biden gets the nomination, their cozy jobs are secure. They can continue to call themselves “the resistance”. They can continue griping ineffectually while doing nothing. They can continue to cash their fat paychecks regardless of their competence. If Bernie wins the nomination, many of these fat cats will suddenly be unemployed; the nominee has wide latitude to re-make the DNC.
We must burst the Biden bubble before the convention.